Fangirls Anonymous
by The Bane of Morgoth
Summary: Some fangirls should be in therapy. Group therapy, to be exact. And after they finish, it'll be the poor Dr. Lescher who needs therapy! And by the way, the parts in bold were written by my best friend, Jennifer, not me.


"Okay why don't we start by going around the circle, and sharing our names and the problem we each have," Dr

"Okay why don't we start by going around the circle, and sharing our names and the problem we each have," Dr. Lauren Lescher suggested, folding her hands primly as she set them in her lap, smiling at the group of young women who sat in a misshapen circle in her office. She expected to make a great deal of progress this session. "Rhiannon, why don't you begin?"

"Alright," the girl responded, somewhat reluctantly as she stood up. "As you all now know, my name is Rhiannon. I have many crushes, but the one my mother is most concerned about is Ugluk. I don't really know why... mmm, big strong Uruk-Hai, with those piercing yellow eyes, and the fangs, and the armor that makes it look like he doesn't have pants on..."

**"Uh, that's all you need to share, Rhiannon! Thank you!" Dr. Lescher said, seeming mildly freaked out by this. "Next, please?"**

**"But..." Rhiannon broke off suddenly and sullenly say down with a blissful grin on her face, no doubt thinking about Uruks.**

**"Thank you, Rhiannon." Dr. Laura said patiently. "Now, if you could please go next." She gestured with her essential doctor clipboard to the short girl sitting next to Rhiannon. She stood up reluctantly and straightened her hoodie before speaking. **

**"Um...my name is Jennifer...I'm in love with Davy Jones." Her face reddened between awkward coughs before she got her second (or, first, really) wind. "I mean, the tentacles! Can you even **_**imagine **_**?" Her face lit up with an unholy delight. Dr. Lescher joined the caught the redness that seemed to be catching within the group. "THANK YOU!" She almost leaped out of her chair. **

**"Oh, sorry..." Jennifer gained control of herself and responded sheepishly. She sat down slowly and stared at the floor.**

"Next?" Dr. Lescher said tentatively, with a look on her face that suggested that she really hoped that the next girl would have at least a somewhat normal character that she was crushing on, at least a more human one.

"Hi! My name is Hillary Burkhardt," she said, positively beaming. "And I have a crush on a mostly human character. He is a werewolf, but he's human most of the time, so that counts as mostly normal, right? His name it Fenrir Greyback, and he's from the Harry Potter books. He's probably, like, bigger than Durch, and every piece of fanart I have seen of him is, like, ohmigosh! So hot. And he's got this smile that totally looks like a 'I'm going to kill you' smile, but I think it could also be a, like, I'm going to fu-"

"HILLARY!"

"-you smile', which is just, oh, and I would go absolutely NUTS if I ever got to meet him, because I would totally want him to-" Hilary had continued, oblivious to the fact that Lauren had tried to get her stop. She finally trailed off, her eyes glazed, the patented 'I'm in la-la-land look on her face.

"Uhm... thank you for that... interesting...picture, Hillary," Mrs. Lescher said, looking faintly green. "Next?" she said, hesitantly.

"I'm next!" cried Rhiannon, again. Mrs. Lescher started to object, but was cut off by Rhiannon's launch into fangirlishness. "Hannibal Lector. I don't even care whether it was the young him or the older him. He's just... gah! Mmm, and in that scene in one of the movies, I can't remember which, because I haven't seen them all in a while, but it was just before, uhm, whatisname, uhm, Verger! Yeah, just before verger was going to kill him, by, you know, feeding him to the pigs? But, anyway, in that scene, they totally went overboard in securing him to the table like cart thing he was on, and there was no freaking way he was going to get out of that, and it was just... mmm. If I had been the one to rescue him, I would totally have left him tied up like that just so that when we, you know, _did it_, he wouldn't try to eat me."

Mrs. Lescher could only stare. In horror. "Thank you, so much, for sharing that," she gritted, through clenched teeth. "Now, I would appreciate it if you would sit down, and let someone else have their turn."

Rhiannon, already in some horrid, horrid daydream (judging by the fact that she was making 'urk' and 'nerf' noises, which she only does when hyper and particularly sick minded), sat down, smiling vaguely. "Yeah, sure, Dr. Lector- erm! I meant, Dr. Lescher. Lescher!"

"Ah, yes, well... anyway, Next?"


End file.
